I have come from believing the lies that I was “unwanted” to being “pursued” by God because He has a plan for my life, to glorify Him, and GO to where He calls me. I didn’t always know this was the case.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mother was/is an alcoholic, and the same for my dad. I remember at a very young age my mother sat me down and told me that I wasn’t smart enough to make it in the world and in order for me to succeed, I would need to use my good looks to find a man to marry me- and that was my golden ticket.

While we looked like we had it together on the outside, that was just a big facade. I first heard about Jesus in elementary school. My mother had a shop in Vail and the store next to it was where I hung out. Sherri was the manager of the store and her and her husband introduced me to Christ. They took me to their church, shared the gospel with me, and I said the “ABC” prayer and was baptized in their bathtub. My mother quickly learned what had happened and I was no longer able to hang out with Sherri or Michael by myself.

We moved from Vail to Denver shortly after and it would be quite some time before I heard of Jesus again. When we moved to Denver, I ran with wrong crowd and was seeking ways to fit in - all the wrong ways. That is all I wanted: To belong, to be loved, to have someone see me and say I matter.

I spent my early teenage years and early twenties just running, running from myself, my family, and so desperately wanting to belong and be loved. I remember looking into the mirror and pleading to God, “why would you make this be my life?”

I moved back to Colorado, lived with my parents for a few months, and got a job. And, that is where Jared walked into my life. We were both lonely and broken and fell in love with each other- a recipe for disaster. A few years later I was diagnosed with a rare nerve disorder. Looking back, I can see how God allowed this to happen to get my FULL attention. I needed to realize that I am not in control of my life and that God has a plan for me- I am stubborn so it took getting this syndrome to be truly knocked down on my face so that I could turn and look up and seek the Lord and accept His free gift of salvation. I remember coming to the realization that I HAD NO CONTROL of my life as I was in pre-op for spinal cord stimulator surgery. It was as I said goodbye to Jared that the Lord got a hold of my heart and I heard Him tell me, “I am in control, you are not, my child.” I was terrified of what could happen, or how my life could end up if this didn’t work. I closed my eyes and spoke to Jesus. I gave my life to the Lord on that operating table and surrendered completely to Him.

We attended Hill Country Bible Church and grabbed hold of Jesus, the Bible, and committed to being followers of Christ. My relationship with Christ saved me from myself, this world, and restored me and because of this I choose to humbly serve Him with all I do and to where He calls me.

We started going to a small group and then we were leading a small group. On our first mission trip to Puebla, Mexico is where the Lord told me His plans for me. He told me His plan was for me to become a pediatric nurse so that I could bring care to a third world country of His calling and spread the Good News.

Here is the funny thing about that: I graduated high school from a residential treatment center and had a GPA of 1.2. But I knew that He had commanded me to do something, so I was going to do it! I graduated with my associate degree of nursing 3.5 years ago. I obtained my BSN with a 4.0 GPA a year ago and am one of the top nurses in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) in Temple, Texas. In addition, I am a certified Critical Care RN, the chair of the PICU unit base council, PICU representative for the hospital, and currently completing an IRB approved research project! I say this not to boast, but to show that even though I grew up thinking I was unwanted, God had His hand on me my whole life. My time in the PICU I used as my mission field. I took every opportunity I could to pray with the families of the children who were fighting for their life. When one’s child is admitted to the PICU, it is a very dark time. The Holy Spirit helped to equip me to be the light in that darkness. Being able to see past the pain and anger of these parents and show them the love of Christ is the reason He called me to nursing. Being able to care for those who cannot speak and be their voice is an honor and a role I do not take lightly.

I hope for God to be known and glorified among unreached peoples groups.I pray for  vibrant, indigenous, multiplying churches to be established and for refugees to carry the Gospel back to their home islands.